I don't know what to do anymore?

I'm so lost. About a year ago I stopped eating a became a border-line anorexic. I got out of it. But I can't stay away from it. I can't stop thinking back to it and feeling sad. I'm not even sure why I do. I often try to go back but I never can. The reason this happened is because everyone turned their backs on me, and I got lonely and wanted to be perfect. Anyone else feel sad when they look back on it? I have social anxiety and depression and I find it really really hard to cope with. Someone could say one thing and it could make me want to commit suicide. I have tried twice. Once I had to go to the hospital. Things got hard after that, my mum had a nervous breakdown. And it was because of me. The guilt was to much. I should of been happy. I found new friends and the people that turned their backs on me came over and said sorry. I planned a pact with someone but couldn't go through with it because he didn't think it was right for me to go so young. I just feel so lonely and sad it kills me. Some days I just lay in bed because I don't see the point in getting up anymore. I can't see the value in life. I feel so empty. I don't know what to do. I need someone to help me I think. Who knows?